大讚正明兄譯作，滿篇珠璣，美不勝收！賞析幾句（寫在 --- 號後面）：


（印度）羅賓德拉納特·泰戈爾著  傅正明譯

I, who have the amphibious duality of nature in me, whose food is in the West and breathe air in the East, do not find a place where I can build my nest. I shall suppose I shall have to be a migratory bird and cross and recross the sea, owning two nests, one on each shore.
--Rabindranath Tagore

From A Letter to William Rothenstein  (July 6, 1917)

我有天生的水陸兩棲特性，食物在西方，氣韻在東方，找不到一片可築巢之地。我想像自己乃是一苹候鳥，將一再穿越大海，此岸彼岸，各有一個巢。

--- “do not find a place where I can build my nest.”這句裡面的“do not find”不是“不能”，而是“不欲”，而譯文之“找不到一片可築巢之地”中的“找不到”卻是“不能”。個見覺得有偏差。看英文原文，是這鳥不願意在某一個地方（a place）作窩，而希望在東西兩邊（each shore）各有一個窩。若說它“找不到”，無論它是東邊的還是西邊的鳥，它都不能own a nest，可它卻說要own two nests，說明“找得到”。

1
STRAY birds of summer come to my window to sing and fly away.
And yellow leaves of autumn, which have no songs, flutter and fall there with a sigh.
夏日漂飛鳥，落我窗前歌拂曉，鼓翼上青杳。
秋天黃葉多，蕭然無語隨風落，嘆息代驪歌。
--- 譯作非常精彩，比英文原作典雅生動。

2
O TROUPE of little vagrants of the world, leave your footprints in my words.
世界小歌隊，漂飛向九陲，
請君鴻爪印，入我墨香池。
--- 最後兩句太妙了！words是虛詞，腳印是實詞，二者在新詩里比較容易配伍，古典詩詞中不大接受這類比喻。可是，讓鴻爪印踏入硯池，再踩到箋上就可以了。哈哈


3
THE world puts off its mask of vastness to its lover.
It becomes small as one song, as one kiss of the eternal.
其一
浩瀚梵天大面具，詩心生愛便屏除，
寰球丸結一謠曲，親吻玉成千古書。
--- 一看英文原文就知道不大好譯，因為比喻都是適合新詩的，所謂的形象思維。


其二

大世界之遼闊兮，戴浩瀚之面具，見鍾情之詩心兮，露真容而摘除，
其象貌之纖小兮，如短歌之一闕，其親吻之甜蜜兮，作瞬間之永駐。
--- 韻味有點兒聞一多，用古文寫新詩，有時很吃力。


4
IT is the tears of the earth that keep her smiles in bloom.

淚泉藏地底，不作淺流聲，--- 不做淺流聲 發揮得好！
破土綻微笑，開花播德馨。
--- 精彩！古韻盎然。

7

THE sands in your way beg for your song and your movement, dancing water. Will you carry the burden of their lameness?
江水掀波舞，泥沙問水娘∶
君能同步詠詩章，挾我難行瘸腿向東方？調寄南歌子
--- 原文寓意很深，但其風格太西方化了。譯作尚佳。個人感覺這類洋詩比較難譯，難為正明兄了。哈哈


11
SOME unseen fingers, like idle breeze, are playing upon my heart the music of the ripples.

不知何物如纖指，閒適徐來風暖吹，
攪動心靈一池水，無形有律起漣漪。
--- 好，流暢明快！


27
THE light that plays, like a naked child, among the green leaves happily knows not that man can lie.
晨光一束鬧枝頭，恰似兒童戲水流，
赤裸天真誰曉得∶人常哄騙魚吞鈎。
--- 英文原文極佳，譯作恰堪匹敵！並贊！


48
THE stars are not afraid to appear like fireflies.
寒夜星光暗，望中若火蟲，
微光不憚小，豆火可幫窮。
--- 譯作小巧玲瓏，典用得好，頓見靈氣！


51
YOUR idol is shattered in the dust to prove that God's dust is greater than your idol.
爾曹偶像倒，落地作塵囂。
一撮神造土，卻可近崇高。
--- 英文很繞口啊。哈哈。譯作深諳原文寓意，好！


54
LIKE the meeting of the seagulls and the waves we meet and come near. The seagulls fly off, the waves roll away and we depart.
相見宛如雙鳥落，相隨後浪吻前波。
海鷗飛去江潮退，你我各吟萍水歌。
--- 英文原文就像一個短小沉默的影片，個人感覺譯文場景也保持沉默最好，把聯想留給讀者。


69
"I GIVE my whole water in joy," sings the waterfall, "though little of it is enough for the thirsty."
瀑布多情瀉，如詩笑語傳∶
一行能解渴，我卻獻全篇。
--- 最後兩句比喻精彩，寫一行已經意足，我偏獻全篇者何？詩懷如涌也。

89

THE scabbard is content to be dull when it protects the keenness of the sword.
刀鞘守鈍謹防誤傷弱小，
劍芒藏鋒翹待力斬凶頑。
--- 英文和譯作雖着眼點有小異，都深含寓意，好！

就賞析到這兒，下面也細讀了，越往下越精彩！稍暇再接着賞析。大謝正明兄分享佳作！非常成功！





104
THE music of the far-away summer flutters around the Autumn seeking its former nest.
夏日琴聲向遠方，尋蹤求跡繞秋梁，
寒巢請問檐前鳥∶遺韻依然飄舊香？

107
THE echo mocks her origin to prove she is the original.
山谷回音如少女，噗嗤一笑對聲源∶
我本天才原創者，請君側耳聽鴻篇。

226
THOSE who have everything but thee, my God, laugh at those who have nothing but thyself.
觀世相，千金贓款意無上帝，輕笑他人貧困，
讀經書，兩袖清風心有神明，謹防自己骯髒。

269
I HAVE learnt the simple meaning of thy whispers in flowers and sunshine--teach me to know thy words in pain and death.
花心隱有呢喃語，日照深藏啟悟書，
百義片言誰領會？含辛面死一寒儒。

288
LOVE'S pain sang round my life like the unplumbed sea, and love's joy sang like birds in its flowering groves.
一生情事苦，宛如大海難窺測，悲歌秋日裡，
兩地愛心甜，恰似鳴禽可噪喧，歡唱花叢間。

292
CLOUDS come floating into my life from other days no longer to shed rain or usher storm but to give colour to my sunset sky.
雲起漂浮入我家，素心無意雨喧譁，
不興風暴摧芳草，但為晚晴添彩霞。

308
CHEERLESS is the day, the light under frowning clouds is like a punished child with traces of tears on its pale cheeks, and the cry of the wind is like the cry of a wounded world. But I know I am travelling to meet my Friend.
今日少歡暢，陰雲皺額頭，光如童子淚潛流，受罰欲遮羞。
人哭傷兵燹，風號悲晚秋。我心慶幸一孤舟，正要會良儔。調寄巫山一段雲  

321
I HAVE scaled the peak and found no shelter in fame's bleak and barren height. Lead me, my Guide, before the light fades, into the valley of quiet where life's harvest mellows into golden wisdom.

攀登直上高山頂，榮名寒寂荒蕪嶺，何處可遮身，四望無遁門。
光幽尋僻處，嚮導望溪谷∶秋稻若黃金，開鐮收慧明。調寄菩薩蠻