Since 2nd part is a hit, let's have the 3rd part.

As I was drowning, I remembered I have a pocket Bible in my back pocket. With my last breath, I pulled it out and cried" Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region, which one is more faithful to the Bible?!!"

The Next thing I remember, I was in front of the Pearly Gate.

Here comes St. Peter! 

I was angry and shouted at St Peter: "Why God didn't save me?!!!"

St Peter calmly answered, "No, Son, you never once asked God to save you. All you asked was which of your little American organizations is more Biblical!"