For Women
http://www.churchformen.com/forwomen.php
Women, if you’ve prayed for years for your man to come to church but he just won’t, it’s not your fault. To illustrate, let me tell you a story.
My wife Gina loves plants. One day I wanted to surprise her, so I bought her a small Azalea bush and some ivy at Wal-Mart. I also picked up a bag of potting soil and a decorative planter. I installed both plants in their new home and presented them to my wife.
She was impressed – for about 2 weeks. Then the Azalea started looking rather sickly. Its blossoms fell off and its little leaves turned brown. But the ivy was thriving.
I called a friend who’s a master gardener. As I told him what I’d done, he began to chuckle. “Azaleas need acid in the soil,” he said. “Regular potting soil is perfect for ivy, but an azalea will starve to death.”
In the same way, our churches provide the ideal growing conditions for women – but men are starving to death. What do I mean? Church offers the things women crave: safety, relationships, nurturing, and close-knit community. The rules are: be nice. Be sensitive. Be gentle. We promise a personal relationship with a man who loves you unconditionally.
On the other hand, men need adventure, challenge and risk – but these things are discouraged in church. Change moves at a glacial pace – because it has the potential to hurt people’s feelings. Any man who tries to bring risk into his local congregation will quickly find himself in the gun sights of a longtime member.
Volunteer opportunities in the local church revolve around traditionally feminine roles: childcare, teaching, music, hospitality and cooking. Men who want to serve in church often end up passing out bulletins or attending meetings. Where is the adventure in that?
Men are dying for a leader, but we’ve turned Christ into a lover. Today’s Jesus is sensitive, caring and beautiful. Our praise music has the same breathless feel and romantic lyrics as top-40 love songs. Jesus barked, “Follow Me!” but we’ve softened that; it’s now, “Have a personal relationship with Me.”
You may think that the church is too male-dominated, harsh and legalistic. Some churches are this way – but far more common are comforting churches where the real agenda is making everyone feel loved, accepted, and busy. While there’s nothing wrong with this lineup, it’s not going to get many men out of bed on a Sunday morning.
Men are absenting themselves from church because they cannot function in a feminine environment. We might as well invite men to a baby shower. Men know that church is not for them; that’s why it’s earned a reputation as a place for little old ladies of both genders.
Women, the modern church system is not designed with him in mind. Your church is designed to keep you happy and volunteering. That’s why you love church and he hates it. No amount of praying, prodding or preaching is going to get your man interested in church, because it’s not meant to interest him. It’s meant to interest you.
Women, here’s my challenge to you:
• Are you willing to allow changes that make the church more man friendly, even if those changes may upset people? Even if these changes make you a bit uncomfortable? Will you support your pastor when the heat is on?
• Will you consider men’s needs and expectations when planning church events?
• Will you introduce boys to a wild and manly Jesus (instead of gentle Jesus, meek and mild)?
• Will you allow your church to offer man-only opportunities (without feeling discriminated against)?
• In your own life, are you willing to shift your focus from learning about God to having adventures with God?
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you are on the path to making your church (and your walk with God) more appealing to the men in your life. As a next step, I encourage you to visit our women’s forum, where you can connect with other women who are praying for the men in their lives.
And remember, stop feeling guilty! If he hasn’t followed you into the pew, it’s not your fault.
