especially the adjectives. Without their repetition, this writing would have sounded more narrative and boring than passionate and poetic.

Your version has variations in vocabulary, but contains quite some flashy or even exaggerating words that should be avoided in literature writing. Some of your nouns change too much for readers to follow smoothly, e.g., kernel (too dry bah bah) -> pit -> germ (bad word) -> shoot.

Also, use of "harmless" is quite bewildering. And "insignificant" is typically used in a negative way and is a NO NO in this context.

So basically in my opinion, your version does not sound nearly as simple and elegant as the little girl's.

:)