青柳诊所手记33

依然清晨4点起床静坐。黑暗中打开阳台的门，迎接我的是头顶上一弯银白的月亮，旁边点缀着几颗星星。我很少吃晚饭，到早晨往往有点饿了。饿了时我就喝一杯月亮、一杯星光。

依然一大早就去诊所了，露台上的阳光像瀑布一样倾泻入大半个诊所。我又忍不住喝了一杯太阳。

上午看了两个眼科。一个有严重的黄斑病变，一个是高度近视患者，才14岁。两个人都来治过好几次了。前者我给他针了眼针，后者怕针，我只是给她按摩、中药和气功调治。两个都用了中药眼药水，那是我师父教的方子。前者说现在坐车可以看到前面汽车的牌照了，后者说她的视力明显比几周前提高了不少。毫无疑问，中医在眼科方面是大有潜力的。

中午时分，大师兄骑上他的宝马（他心爱的自行车）去为诊所采购去了。我关上门，再次来到幽静的露台上，找了一个荫凉的地方坐下来吃午饭。

阿里医生在露台上种了不少果树。树上的梨都被鸟儿啃得差不多了。那棵很矮的苹果树是今年才种下的，竟然也结了满满一树的果子。阿里医生任凭乌鸦，松鼠和风把那些果子弄得到处都是。他每年花很多的人力精力来栽培这些果树，但似乎喜欢的就是耕耘，而并不在乎有什么收获。

地上掉落了一个苹果，我拾起它，心想这其貌不扬的果子肯定是酸的。我在准备把它扔掉前咬了一口，却发现吞下的是一口沁人心脾的甘露。看来，果子跟人一样也不可貌相啊。

我慢慢地享受着我的食物。耳旁是小鸟的叫声，秋风的呢喃，还有楼下汽车和地铁的呼啸声。整个城市离我这么近又似乎那么远。整个世界也是一样。我仿佛听到我的身体在甜蜜地叹息：嗯，咱们这种感觉真好。

我对我的病人们说：如果你学会倾听你内在的声音，你会发现你身体的疼痛会减轻很多。

他们就睁大眼睛问我：安娜医生，我该如何倾听我内在的声音呢？

我说：首先，你需要一点寂静。就像现在在露台上这样，寂静得可以听到花开的声音。

常常有病人问：安娜医生，我知道喝水有益于身体，我到底每天该喝多少毫升的水呢？为什么我喝了那么多水，身体还是有这么多问题、这么多慢性炎症？

我说：中医总是强调平衡二字。如果你的尿液颜色已经很淡了，就不需要再拼命往身体里灌水了。你需要喝的是月亮、星星和太阳。

是的，我相信，我们的内心有一种力量，让我们渴望向天之能量敞开。

一个年轻的眼科病人苦恼地问我：我如何才能让自己糟糕的视力提高得快一点呢？

我说：你不看手机不看电脑不看人时，抬头看看云朵，看看星星，看看月亮，低头看看地，看看蚂蚁，看看河水，你的视力就会好多了。

临床渐久，我越来越认识到，一个人的身体健康与他失去跟天、地和自然界的联系太有关系了。可以说，世界上几乎没有纯粹的肉体的疼痛，所有的疼痛和疾病都或多或少跟内心的矛盾和冲突有关。而人太渺小，当内心的冲突太强大时，我们唯有借助上天的力量、自然界的力量。

我问那个有焦虑症的病人：你的焦虑是来自于别人还是来自于自己？

他迷惑地看着我。

我说：如果是因为别人，那么，你得知道：无论你如何努力，你都休想改变别人，那你又何必焦虑？如果是因为你自己，你完全可以改变你自己，那你又为何还在忧郁？

梭罗说："我进入林中是因为我希望认真地生活，去面对生命的本质，看看能否学会生命要教我的东西; 而不是在生命即将离去之际，才发现我从未真正活过……”(I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.) "

走进自然，就是走入你的内心。

所以除了中药，我常常在处方上加上一条：去林子里走走。

Whispering of Willows

Like usual, I got up at 4 am and meditated. Opening the balcony door in the darkness, I was greeted by a silver moon above my head, and a few stars scattered here and there. I rarely eat dinner and often feel a little hungry in the morning. When hungry, I drink a sip of moonlight or starlight.

Quite early I went to the clinic again; the inflow of sunlight from the terrace pouring into the clinic. I couldn't help but drank another glass of sunlight.

Two eye patients this morning. One elderly client with severe Age-related macular degeneration (AMD), and the other, a 14-year-old teenager with serious myopia. I gave the former needles in the eye socket, and the latter, who fears needles, I gave massage, herbs and qigong. I used herbal eye drops on both, which were a formula provided by my master. The AMD patient said his central vision had improved so much he was able to see the car plates before his car. The young patient said her eyesight was significantly improved since a few weeks ago. No doubt, Traditional Chinese Medicine has great potential in treating ophthalmological problems.

At noon, my medical partner Dr. Wang, rode his BMW (his beloved bicycle) to go shopping for the clinic. Quietly I closed the door and went to the secluded terrace again, finding a shady spot to relish my lunch.

Dr. Ali has planted many fruit trees on the terrace. Most of the pears on the branches have been chewed on by the birds. The short apple tree， planted just this year, is laden with fruit. Crows, squirrels, and wind, are scattering fruit everywhere. Dr. Ali spends much time and effort cultivating these fruit trees, but somehow, he seems to favor the cultivation more than the harvest.

An apple fell on the ground. I picked it up, assuming such an ordinary looking fruit must be sour. Deciding to try one bite before throwing it away, I realized that what I was swallowing was a mouthful of refreshing nectar.  Fruit are like people, I discovered, you can be fooled if judged by appearance.

I took my time enjoying my food. In my ears are the chirping of birds, the whisper of an autumnal breeze, and the roaring of cars and the Skytrain. The whole city seems so close yet so distant. The same goes for the whole world. A sweet sigh was audible from the bottom of my heart: ah, we love this.

I say to my patients: “If you learn to listen to your inner voice, you will find your physical pain subsides.”

Some ask: “But Dr. Anna, how can I listen to my inner voice?”

“First of all, you need some solitude. Just like where we are now, on the patio, so quiet that a flower blossoming can be heard”.

Patients often ask: “Dr. Anna, I know that sufficient intake of water is essential for the body. How many milliliters of water should I drink every day? Why do I still have so many problems and chronic inflammation in my body despite drinking sufficient water?

I replied: “Traditional Chinese Medicine always emphasizes the word balance. If your urine is nice and clear, no need to keep pouring water into your body. Perhaps what you need more is a sip of the moon, and the stars and the sunlight...”

Yes, I do believe we have the power within us, to open ourselves to the divine inflow in nature, and in the cosmos. We can choose to do this through the power of our mind.

A young man asked with desperation: “How can I improve my poor eyesight faster?”

I replied: “After enough looking at your phone, your computer or people, take some time and have a look at the clouds, the stars, the moon, the earth, the ants, and the river; you will likely find your eyesight improves.”

The more clinical experience I gain, the more I realize that a person's failing health is closely related to his loss of connection with the cosmos, with earth and with nature. There is no such a thing as one hundred percent physical pain. All pain and diseases are more or less related to our negative emotions, unresolved inner contradictions and conflicts.

I asked the patient who was extremely anxious: “Does your anxiety come from others or from yourself?”

He looked confused.

I went on: “If it is due to others, you must know that no matter how hard you try, you can never change anybody ese in this world. If so, why anxious? If it's due to yourself, you are the master of yourself and you can change your conditions anytime, one step at a time. If so, why worry?”

Thoreau said: "I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived...."

He is right, the depth of nature is the depth of our soul. Peace and happiness lie right there, hand in hand.

Hence, I often add one note to my herbal prescription: go for a stroll in the woods.