青柳診所手記33

依然清晨4點起床靜坐。黑暗中打開陽台的門，迎接我的是頭頂上一彎銀白的月亮，旁邊點綴着幾顆星星。我很少吃晚飯，到早晨往往有點餓了。餓了時我就喝一杯月亮、一杯星光。

依然一大早就去診所了，露台上的陽光像瀑布一樣傾瀉入大半個診所。我又忍不住喝了一杯太陽。

上午看了兩個眼科。一個有嚴重的黃斑病變，一個是高度近視患者，才14歲。兩個人都來治過好幾次了。前者我給他針了眼針，後者怕針，我只是給她按摩、中藥和氣功調治。兩個都用了中藥眼藥水，那是我師父教的方子。前者說現在坐車可以看到前面汽車的牌照了，後者說她的視力明顯比幾周前提高了不少。毫無疑問，中醫在眼科方面是大有潛力的。

中午時分，大師兄騎上他的寶馬（他心愛的自行車）去為診所採購去了。我關上門，再次來到幽靜的露台上，找了一個蔭涼的地方坐下來吃午飯。

阿里醫生在露台上種了不少果樹。樹上的梨都被鳥兒啃得差不多了。那棵很矮的蘋果樹是今年才種下的，竟然也結了滿滿一樹的果子。阿里醫生任憑烏鴉，松鼠和風把那些果子弄得到處都是。他每年花很多的人力精力來栽培這些果樹，但似乎喜歡的就是耕耘，而並不在乎有什麼收穫。

地上掉落了一個蘋果，我拾起它，心想這其貌不揚的果子肯定是酸的。我在準備把它扔掉前咬了一口，卻發現吞下的是一口沁人心脾的甘露。看來，果子跟人一樣也不可貌相啊。

我慢慢地享受着我的食物。耳旁是小鳥的叫聲，秋風的呢喃，還有樓下汽車和地鐵的呼嘯聲。整個城市離我這麼近又似乎那麼遠。整個世界也是一樣。我仿佛聽到我的身體在甜蜜地嘆息：嗯，咱們這種感覺真好。

我對我的病人們說：如果你學會傾聽你內在的聲音，你會發現你身體的疼痛會減輕很多。

他們就睜大眼睛問我：安娜醫生，我該如何傾聽我內在的聲音呢？

我說：首先，你需要一點寂靜。就像現在在露台上這樣，寂靜得可以聽到花開的聲音。

常常有病人問：安娜醫生，我知道喝水有益於身體，我到底每天該喝多少毫升的水呢？為什麼我喝了那麼多水，身體還是有這麼多問題、這麼多慢性炎症？

我說：中醫總是強調平衡二字。如果你的尿液顏色已經很淡了，就不需要再拼命往身體裡灌水了。你需要喝的是月亮、星星和太陽。

是的，我相信，我們的內心有一種力量，讓我們渴望向天之能量敞開。

一個年輕的眼科病人苦惱地問我：我如何才能讓自己糟糕的視力提高得快一點呢？

我說：你不看手機不看電腦不看人時，抬頭看看雲朵，看看星星，看看月亮，低頭看看地，看看螞蟻，看看河水，你的視力就會好多了。

臨床漸久，我越來越認識到，一個人的身體健康與他失去跟天、地和自然界的聯繫太有關係了。可以說，世界上幾乎沒有純粹的肉體的疼痛，所有的疼痛和疾病都或多或少跟內心的矛盾和衝突有關。而人太渺小，當內心的衝突太強大時，我們唯有藉助上天的力量、自然界的力量。

我問那個有焦慮症的病人：你的焦慮是來自於別人還是來自於自己？

他迷惑地看着我。

我說：如果是因為別人，那麼，你得知道：無論你如何努力，你都休想改變別人，那你又何必焦慮？如果是因為你自己，你完全可以改變你自己，那你又為何還在憂鬱？

梭羅說："我進入林中是因為我希望認真地生活，去面對生命的本質，看看能否學會生命要教我的東西; 而不是在生命即將離去之際，才發現我從未真正活過……”(I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.) "

走進自然，就是走入你的內心。

所以除了中藥，我常常在處方上加上一條：去林子裡走走。

Whispering of Willows

Like usual, I got up at 4 am and meditated. Opening the balcony door in the darkness, I was greeted by a silver moon above my head, and a few stars scattered here and there. I rarely eat dinner and often feel a little hungry in the morning. When hungry, I drink a sip of moonlight or starlight.

Quite early I went to the clinic again; the inflow of sunlight from the terrace pouring into the clinic. I couldn't help but drank another glass of sunlight.

Two eye patients this morning. One elderly client with severe Age-related macular degeneration (AMD), and the other, a 14-year-old teenager with serious myopia. I gave the former needles in the eye socket, and the latter, who fears needles, I gave massage, herbs and qigong. I used herbal eye drops on both, which were a formula provided by my master. The AMD patient said his central vision had improved so much he was able to see the car plates before his car. The young patient said her eyesight was significantly improved since a few weeks ago. No doubt, Traditional Chinese Medicine has great potential in treating ophthalmological problems.

At noon, my medical partner Dr. Wang, rode his BMW (his beloved bicycle) to go shopping for the clinic. Quietly I closed the door and went to the secluded terrace again, finding a shady spot to relish my lunch.

Dr. Ali has planted many fruit trees on the terrace. Most of the pears on the branches have been chewed on by the birds. The short apple tree， planted just this year, is laden with fruit. Crows, squirrels, and wind, are scattering fruit everywhere. Dr. Ali spends much time and effort cultivating these fruit trees, but somehow, he seems to favor the cultivation more than the harvest.

An apple fell on the ground. I picked it up, assuming such an ordinary looking fruit must be sour. Deciding to try one bite before throwing it away, I realized that what I was swallowing was a mouthful of refreshing nectar.  Fruit are like people, I discovered, you can be fooled if judged by appearance.

I took my time enjoying my food. In my ears are the chirping of birds, the whisper of an autumnal breeze, and the roaring of cars and the Skytrain. The whole city seems so close yet so distant. The same goes for the whole world. A sweet sigh was audible from the bottom of my heart: ah, we love this.

I say to my patients: “If you learn to listen to your inner voice, you will find your physical pain subsides.”

Some ask: “But Dr. Anna, how can I listen to my inner voice?”

“First of all, you need some solitude. Just like where we are now, on the patio, so quiet that a flower blossoming can be heard”.

Patients often ask: “Dr. Anna, I know that sufficient intake of water is essential for the body. How many milliliters of water should I drink every day? Why do I still have so many problems and chronic inflammation in my body despite drinking sufficient water?

I replied: “Traditional Chinese Medicine always emphasizes the word balance. If your urine is nice and clear, no need to keep pouring water into your body. Perhaps what you need more is a sip of the moon, and the stars and the sunlight...”

Yes, I do believe we have the power within us, to open ourselves to the divine inflow in nature, and in the cosmos. We can choose to do this through the power of our mind.

A young man asked with desperation: “How can I improve my poor eyesight faster?”

I replied: “After enough looking at your phone, your computer or people, take some time and have a look at the clouds, the stars, the moon, the earth, the ants, and the river; you will likely find your eyesight improves.”

The more clinical experience I gain, the more I realize that a person's failing health is closely related to his loss of connection with the cosmos, with earth and with nature. There is no such a thing as one hundred percent physical pain. All pain and diseases are more or less related to our negative emotions, unresolved inner contradictions and conflicts.

I asked the patient who was extremely anxious: “Does your anxiety come from others or from yourself?”

He looked confused.

I went on: “If it is due to others, you must know that no matter how hard you try, you can never change anybody ese in this world. If so, why anxious? If it's due to yourself, you are the master of yourself and you can change your conditions anytime, one step at a time. If so, why worry?”

Thoreau said: "I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived...."

He is right, the depth of nature is the depth of our soul. Peace and happiness lie right there, hand in hand.

Hence, I often add one note to my herbal prescription: go for a stroll in the woods.