Matt awoke to the loud crash. He sat up, startled, and looked around. Everything seemed to be undisturbed and just as he had left it—the white and blue striped wallpaper was still intact, his sky blue lamp was still on the nightstand, and his white carpet was still somewhat clean, or at least as clean as he had left it. It wasn’t easy keeping an apartment clean as a college kid. He had no spare time to do anything besides eat, sleep, and study in order to keep up his grades for his scholarship, and he could hardly afford this place and his textbooks, let alone hire a maid service. He got up and started to get ready for the day. He changed into plain blue jeans, a light blue tee-shirt, and plain, white socks. He brushed his teeth and then headed out of his room.

                “Oh. My. God,” he said through gritted teeth, his eyes wide in surprise. Before him was a totally trashed living room. “I know I didn’t leave this place this messy!” he gasped in astonishment. “Alex!” He shouted, seething with anger.

                “What?” came a muffled reply from the kitchen. Matt ran in, annoyed.

                “Would you care to explain to me what happened to the living room?” Matt said, clipped and tense.

                Alex was Matt’s immature roommate. Together they tried to scrape up just enough money to pay the rent, but it wasn’t easy. Alex was the absolute worst roommate a person could have. He leaves messes behind, invades Matt’s privacy, and hardly contributes to the rent, but he was all Matt could get, and he needed a roommate to help him pay.

                “Mmfomnm nommm epiff,” Alex replied, his mouth full of pizza for his breakfast. Matt waited for him to swallow. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” responded Alex, finally.

                “The living room,” Matt retorted, extremely annoyed, “is totally trashed. It looks like a tornado swallowed up everything, then spit it back up.”

                Alex shrugged nonchalantly, “It could have been anyone.”

                Matt glared, “No Alex, it could only be you and me, and I know that I didn’t do it, so it must have been you.”

                “Yeah, so?”

              “Alex!” Matt exploded, “our landlord is already on our butts for last months rent! What’s he going to say about this? We’re going to be kicked out!”

                “Yeah, whatever man,” Alex said, grabbing his coat, “I’m gonna be late for my class. Later.” He opened the door and left.

                Matt, still extremely irritated, stared at the mess of pizza crumbs Alex left. A few minutes later, his cell phone rang. It was Alex. “What,” Matt said.

                “Yo man I left my keys, drop them out the window, kay?” Alex said.

                Matt hung up.

~○♦○~

                The next day, Alex walked in, eating a cupcake, crumbs on his face, “mails here,” he said. He threw it onto the countertop and looked through it, taking a few envelopes with him to his room.

                Matt finished his milk and looked at the pile. Junk mail, junk mail, junk mail… uh oh. A letter from the management had arrived informing them that they were late on their rent. Matt took that out of the pile and put it aside to look through the rest. Bold letters caught his eye: “Penny for Your Thoughts!” Interested, Matt picked up the small, white envelope and tore it open.

                “Low on cash? Need a quick buck? Apply for ‘Penny for Your Thoughts!™’ Get paid for thinking! Call 1-800-THI-NKIN for more information! Operators are standing by!”

                Matt raised his eyebrows in surprise. Well, what do I have to lose? He thought as he picked up the phone and dialed the number. The phone rang once.

                “You’ve reached ‘Penny for Your Thoughts!’” a chirpy voice exclaimed from the other end, “how may I assist you?”

                “Yeah, I’m calling about how I can apply for it,” Matt replied, “how does it work?”

                “Well, sir, we analyze your eligibility through how intelligent you are! You see, ‘Penny for Your Thoughts’ is a new, innovative way to provide new ideas to improve the world! If you qualify, you will sign a contract, and then we will own every thought you have! And for each thought, you are paid 25 cents! That can all add up! Just think about how many thoughts you have each hour!” The bubbly voice continued.

                “Oh! Then I’d like to apply please,” Matt said. I could really use some money right now, he thought.

                “Then please enter your social security number into the keypad that appears next to you, please!”

                A keypad promptly appeared next to Matt. He confidently typed “102943272” into the machine. It then disappeared.

                “Thank you!” the voice said, “we will now analyze your eligibility! Please hold!”

                Generic music filled Matt’s end of the receiver. This is great! Talk about an easy buck! He thought, happily.

                The music cut off and the voice returned, “Matthew Hatter? You are eligible for the ‘Penny for Your Thoughts!’ program! Please sign the contract that appears!”

                A contract then appeared on the counter with a bold “sign here” at the bottom.

                “Do you have a pen?” Matt asked after unsuccessfully trying to find one.

                “Oh, yes! Sorry!” the voice said as a pen appeared next to Matt. He signed neatly at the bottom, not bothering to read any of it. It then disappeared from the room.

                “Thank you, sir! You are now a part of the ‘Penny for Your Thoughts!’ program! Money should appear in your bank account each time you think! Thank you again! Goodbye!” the voice chirped.

                “No, thank you!” Matt smiled.

~○♦○~

                A month later, Matt and Alex were living the good life! Housekeeping, good food, great game and sound systems… they had everything a 19 year old guy could wish for!

                “This is great!” exclaimed Alex, as he navigated his go-cart in the racing game, “We shoulda done this a looonngg time ago!”

                “You mean I should have,” Matt laughed as he raced against Alex. Matt beat Alex for the 23rd time. “Wha Whaaatt?” Matt exclaimed in false surprise, “who da man?” he grinned.

                “Oh shut up,” Alex stuck laughed, “I’ll whoop your butt next time.”

                “Haha nahh,” Matt laughed, “I’m gonna go check my e-mail.” Matt reached over to get his new Mac Air laptop. He logged in to his gmail and opened one of his new messages from Carly:

                “Hey Matt! Long time no talk(: How’ve you been? So what’d you think about that assignment Johnson gave us? It’s so annoying):”

                Matt started typing:

                “Yeaaahhhh! I know right? I’ve been good (: I think the assign—“

                All of a sudden the screen froze. Matt tried clicking buttons and restarting, but nothing would work. His cell phone then rang.

                “Hello?” Matt answered.

                “Hello, Matthew Hatter, as it said in our terms and conditions, your thoughts are our property and can not be shared without our consent.”

                “Wait, what?” Matt exclaimed, “That’s ridiculous! How can I not ever say what I think? Besides it’s not like that thought will actually benefit anything!”

                “We still own it, though,” the voice replied, stern, “I have the authority to sue you right now.”

                This is totally bogus. There’s got to be a loophole somewhere, Matt thought, exasperated.

                “I heard that,” the voice replied, “just remember… those thoughts are ours.”

                The call then disconnected.

                Uh oh, Matt thought.

                After explaining the situation to Alex, Matt and Alex sat down to try to think of a solution.

                “Well, what if we… no…” Alex started.

                “How about if… wait no never mind,” said Matt.

                “OH!” Alex exclaimed, “what if we annoy the heck out of them until they finally force you to go?”

                “…How would we do that?”

                “Through your thoughts,” Alex grinned, mischievously.

~○♦○~

                Irish Wristwatch Irish Wristwatch Irish Wristwatch! Matt thought furiously, if you choke a smurf, what color will he turn?

                Alex handed him another note card to think about. If Pinocchio says his nose will grow after that statement, will it? If you eat yourself will you be twice as big, half as big, or just disappear completely? What do blind people see in their dreams?

                “Haha! These questions are actually kind of hurting my brain right now,” Alex laughed.

                If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is that a hostage case? When sign makers go on strike, do they write anything on their signs? Do people sterilize needles for lethal injections? Where does a toe tag go on a dead person if they don’t have toes? If you—

                Suddenly, Matt’s cell phone rang.

                “Hello?” Matt answered, smugly.

                “What in heck’s name are you doing?” the voice exclaimed, “do you realize how much trouble your giving our operators and system?”

                “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Matt replied, innocently.

                “Get out of here boy,” the voice said, angrily, “you’re not cut out for this job.”

                Then the line went dead.

                “We did it!” Matt exclaimed, jumping up.

                “Yeaahhh we did!” Alex shouted.

                The two high-fived.

                “Want to go celebrate?” Alex suggested.

                “Nah,” Matt said, walking to his room, “I have a headache, now.”

~○♦○~