问:
第一句Let me look one more time into your eyes of clarity 需要减两个字, clarity 和 purity 其中一个能否改成元音结尾的字?

答：若要减两个字可将“one more time ”改成“again.”或者改成：“I look once more into”
与原意略有区别，但仍富有情调。不能简单去掉前两字.
ty 读 tee,已经是元音结尾，不知菡妹是不是其他大意思？

问:
比如这样就基本能唱, 减去了几个字. 可否请贤兄照这个长短该一下. :-) 还有, 歌词和诗不同, 歌词里如果syllablesd多了, 如unfulfulled wishes, 音色就难唱出来, 元音比辅音好唱好听.
答：哈哈，有这么多讲究，看来愚兄不识音律，只闻其铿锵悦耳而已：）

I look once more into your eyes of clarity , resides are so many dreams of purity.
I'd like to use the warmth of my bosom, to drive away the coldness, to illuminate the darkness.
第一句语法略有问题。但可改成这样：
I look once more into your eyes of clarity ； residing in are so many dreams of purity.
或者：
I look once more into your eyes of clarity，frought with so many dreams of purity。
或者这样更富有想象力：
I look once more into your eyes of clarity ，once breeding so many dreams of purity.

问:
I look once more into your eyes with fog, hide behind’re so many unfulfilled wishes.
I'd like so much to carry on your nostalgia, to send it to the constellations, to deliver it to the mountains and rivers.
答：可改成：
I look once more into your eyes with fog； hiding behind’re so many unfulfilled wishes.
或用分词独立结构:
I look once more into your eyes with fog, so many unfulfilled wishes hiding behind.


能否将 unfulfilled 分成 un-ful-filled?

问:
I look once more into your eyes of benevolence, where remain not the slightest regrets.
I'd like so much to hold in hands your courage, to engrave it in the vast land, to spread it across the cloudy sky.
答: "where remain" 大概应改成 "which leave."
I look once more into your eyes of benevolence, which leave not the slightest regrets.
从语法上说,"to spread" 前要加一个 "and." 为了好听，歌中也许可省略?

问：
We’re linked by the veins of our blood, bound with the utter devotion of our hearts.
Shed forever are our tears; observed forever is our faith.
What we cannot suffer for you, is the pain you have endured.
God Bless our ancestors' home to survive all of the calamities.
最后一句”祖先的家园” 可否用:
God Bless our homeland
答: 应该可以。也可用 "fatherland" 或 “motherland."
要缩短此句还可将“all of the calamities”简化成“all calamities”。

所以总体上的一个选择是：

I look once more into your eyes of clarity, once breeding so many dreams of purity.
I'd like to use the warmth of my bosom, to drive away the coldness, and to illuminate the darkness.
We are linked by the veins of our blood, (and) bound with the utter devotion of our hearts.
Shed forever are our tears; observed forever is our faith.
What we cannot suffer for you, is the pain you have endured.
God Bless our fatherland to survive all (of the) calamities.


I look once more into your eyes with fog, hiding behind're so many un-ful-filled wishes.
I'd like so much to carry on your nostalgia, to send it to the constellations, (and) to deliver it to the mountains and rivers.
We are linked by the veins of our blood, (and) bound with the utter devotion of our hearts.
Shed forever are our tears; observed forever is our faith.
What we cannot suffer for you, is the pain you have endured.
God Bless our fatherland to survive all (of the) calamities.


I look once more into your eyes of benevolence, which leave not the slightest regrets.
I'd like so much to hold in hands your courage, to engrave it in the vast land, to spread it across the cloudy sky.
We are linked by the veins of our blood, (and) bound with the utter devotion of our hearts.
Shed forever are our tears; observed forever is our faith.
What we cannot suffer for you, is the pain you have endured.
God Bless our fatherland to survive all (of the) calamities.