問:
第一句Let me look one more time into your eyes of clarity 需要減兩個字, clarity 和 purity 其中一個能否改成元音結尾的字?

答：若要減兩個字可將“one more time ”改成“again.”或者改成：“I look once more into”
與原意略有區別，但仍富有情調。不能簡單去掉前兩字.
ty 讀 tee,已經是元音結尾，不知菡妹是不是其他大意思？

問:
比如這樣就基本能唱, 減去了幾個字. 可否請賢兄照這個長短該一下. :-) 還有, 歌詞和詩不同, 歌詞裡如果syllablesd多了, 如unfulfulled wishes, 音色就難唱出來, 元音比輔音好唱好聽.
答：哈哈，有這麼多講究，看來愚兄不識音律，只聞其鏗鏘悅耳而已：）

I look once more into your eyes of clarity , resides are so many dreams of purity.
I'd like to use the warmth of my bosom, to drive away the coldness, to illuminate the darkness.
第一句語法略有問題。但可改成這樣：
I look once more into your eyes of clarity ； residing in are so many dreams of purity.
或者：
I look once more into your eyes of clarity，frought with so many dreams of purity。
或者這樣更富有想象力：
I look once more into your eyes of clarity ，once breeding so many dreams of purity.

問:
I look once more into your eyes with fog, hide behind’re so many unfulfilled wishes.
I'd like so much to carry on your nostalgia, to send it to the constellations, to deliver it to the mountains and rivers.
答：可改成：
I look once more into your eyes with fog； hiding behind’re so many unfulfilled wishes.
或用分詞獨立結構:
I look once more into your eyes with fog, so many unfulfilled wishes hiding behind.


能否將 unfulfilled 分成 un-ful-filled?

問:
I look once more into your eyes of benevolence, where remain not the slightest regrets.
I'd like so much to hold in hands your courage, to engrave it in the vast land, to spread it across the cloudy sky.
答: "where remain" 大概應改成 "which leave."
I look once more into your eyes of benevolence, which leave not the slightest regrets.
從語法上說,"to spread" 前要加一個 "and." 為了好聽，歌中也許可省略?

問：
We’re linked by the veins of our blood, bound with the utter devotion of our hearts.
Shed forever are our tears; observed forever is our faith.
What we cannot suffer for you, is the pain you have endured.
God Bless our ancestors' home to survive all of the calamities.
最後一句”祖先的家園” 可否用:
God Bless our homeland
答: 應該可以。也可用 "fatherland" 或 “motherland."
要縮短此句還可將“all of the calamities”簡化成“all calamities”。

所以總體上的一個選擇是：

I look once more into your eyes of clarity, once breeding so many dreams of purity.
I'd like to use the warmth of my bosom, to drive away the coldness, and to illuminate the darkness.
We are linked by the veins of our blood, (and) bound with the utter devotion of our hearts.
Shed forever are our tears; observed forever is our faith.
What we cannot suffer for you, is the pain you have endured.
God Bless our fatherland to survive all (of the) calamities.


I look once more into your eyes with fog, hiding behind're so many un-ful-filled wishes.
I'd like so much to carry on your nostalgia, to send it to the constellations, (and) to deliver it to the mountains and rivers.
We are linked by the veins of our blood, (and) bound with the utter devotion of our hearts.
Shed forever are our tears; observed forever is our faith.
What we cannot suffer for you, is the pain you have endured.
God Bless our fatherland to survive all (of the) calamities.


I look once more into your eyes of benevolence, which leave not the slightest regrets.
I'd like so much to hold in hands your courage, to engrave it in the vast land, to spread it across the cloudy sky.
We are linked by the veins of our blood, (and) bound with the utter devotion of our hearts.
Shed forever are our tears; observed forever is our faith.
What we cannot suffer for you, is the pain you have endured.
God Bless our fatherland to survive all (of the) calamities.