正是一個契機讓我們思考，信耶穌到底意味着什麽？c.s.lewis太太被癌症奪去生命以後，周圍的人勸它說：不必太傷心，你太太現在是和神同在了，是好的無比的。c.s. lewis問那些人：難道她非要死了才與神同在嗎？難道她活着神就不與她同在嗎？

一個人有心事奉主，他的道路一定是通達的嗎？畫家凡高的理想是成為一名牧師，這也是他最後崩潰的原因，讀着他和他哥哥的通信，我的心好痛，他的心難道神不知道嗎？還有，愛主的人一定會“好死“嗎？靈修大師盧雲寫他母親臨終的時刻是非常的痛苦。一位猶太的拉比問一位想皈依猶太教的人：你為什麽要皈依猶太教，你想過沒有，你一生將要面臨的是失去家園，失去財產，你可能被謀殺，你可能死無葬身之地？

我常常會想起c.s.lewis 的這一段話：
"Meanwhile, where is God? This is one of the most disquieting symptons. When you are happy,so happy that you have no sense of needing Him, so happy that you are tempted to fell His claims upon you as an interruption...But go to Him when your need is desperate, when all other help is vain, and what do you find? A door slammed in your face, and a sound of bolting and double bolting on the inside. After that, silence.You may as well turn away. The longer you wait, the more emphatic the silence will become. There are no lights in the windows."

"Cancer, and cancer, and cancer. My mother, my father, my wife. I wonder who is next in the queue."

我相信這是真正的信仰之旅。