正是一个契机让我们思考，信耶稣到底意味着什麽？c.s.lewis太太被癌症夺去生命以后，周围的人劝它说：不必太伤心，你太太现在是和神同在了，是好的无比的。c.s. lewis问那些人：难道她非要死了才与神同在吗？难道她活着神就不与她同在吗？

一个人有心事奉主，他的道路一定是通达的吗？画家凡高的理想是成为一名牧师，这也是他最后崩溃的原因，读着他和他哥哥的通信，我的心好痛，他的心难道神不知道吗？还有，爱主的人一定会“好死“吗？灵修大师卢云写他母亲临终的时刻是非常的痛苦。一位犹太的拉比问一位想皈依犹太教的人：你为什麽要皈依犹太教，你想过没有，你一生将要面临的是失去家园，失去财产，你可能被谋杀，你可能死无葬身之地？

我常常会想起c.s.lewis 的这一段话：
"Meanwhile, where is God? This is one of the most disquieting symptons. When you are happy,so happy that you have no sense of needing Him, so happy that you are tempted to fell His claims upon you as an interruption...But go to Him when your need is desperate, when all other help is vain, and what do you find? A door slammed in your face, and a sound of bolting and double bolting on the inside. After that, silence.You may as well turn away. The longer you wait, the more emphatic the silence will become. There are no lights in the windows."

"Cancer, and cancer, and cancer. My mother, my father, my wife. I wonder who is next in the queue."

我相信这是真正的信仰之旅。