第一句Let me look one more time into your eyes of clarity 需要減兩個字, clarity 和 purity 其中一個能否改成元音結尾的字?

比如這樣就基本能唱, 減去了幾個字. 可否請賢兄照這個長短該一下. :-) 還有, 歌詞和詩不同, 歌詞裡如果syllablesd多了, 如unfulfulled wishes, 音色就難唱出來, 元音比輔音好唱好聽.

Look one more time into your eyes of clarity , resides are so many dreams of purity.
I'd like to use the warmth of my bosom, to drive away the coldness, to illuminate the darkness.

Look one more time into your eyes with fog, hide behind’re so many unfulfilled wishes.
I'd like so much to carry on your nostalgia, to send it to the constellations, to deliver it to the mountains and rivers.

Look one more time into your eyes of benevolence, where remain not the slightest regrets.
I'd like so much to hold in hands your courage, to engrave it in the vast land, to spread it across the cloudy sky.

We’re linked by the veins of our blood, bound with the utter devotion of our hearts.
Shed forever are our tears; observed forever is our faith.
What we cannot suffer for you, is the pain you have endured.
God Bless our ancestors' home to survive all of the calamities.

最後一句”祖先的家園” 可否用:
God Bless our homeland

寫完這個, 賢兄可以做詞了, 愚妹請人做曲. :-)